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8/10/14 11:53 pm - Final Entry

It is the year 2014. The last entry I made on here was in 2007. The last time I regularly used Live Journal was Spring/Summer 2006. I primarily used LJ between the ages of 19 and 22. I am 29 now. I started this thing over 10 years ago.

This first thing I need to answer before I make any sort of update on my life is "why am I even on here?" It's a fair question. After all, I haven't made an update on here in over 7 years. The answer is somewhat random. Me and Nick (iamfuriousd1) were talking the other night. We somehow got on the subject of Live Journal. For some reason I decided to see if I could sign onto LJ while I was on the phone with him. It took a few minutes, but I ended up resetting my password on here. I actually had to sign onto my old AOL screen name in order to achieve my goal, but I did it. I was able to sign on.

At first I skimmed through the last few entries I made while still on the phone with Nick. Later in the night I decided to read a few entries. Three days later I had read through all 427 entries I posted. I absolutely devoured this journal. Even though I am so in tune with my past, I had forgotten how I truly felt in those days. I was so raw. So dark. Those were some pretty grim years and when I look back on everything I am so thankful I am done with that time of my life. I had moved from my hometown to a place I hated. I had been in a severe car accident that took my 97' Mustang, which was the thing I cared about most in my life at that time. I hated most of my friends and family. I wanted to leave the state and start over. If I wasn't such a strong person I shudder to think what could have become of me. I certainly had a few wake up calls during those years that I needed to go through.

I am also somewhat surprised how open and honest I was. I have an audio journal that I have regularly updated since 2002. Hell, I have journals and diaries that I have kept on and off since the early 1990's. However, this journal is unique in that others can read it. I literally posted 99% of how I truly felt on here during the ages of 19 and 22. I am still an open person, but I am not sure I would ever open up that candidly on a public forum again. Maybe I needed to share my pain, confusion and hopelessness on here in an effort to garner support subconsciously. I am confident that I was so done with life that I did not care what anyone thought anymore. I am not sure anyone, including myself, realized how dark I was at that time.

I stopped writing on LJ a few months after I began dating a girl named Lauren. She was frequently mentioned on here throughout my last 10 or so entries. Lauren and I began dating while I was still writing on LJ. She took the place of LJ in terms of me expressing my emotions. I did not feel the need to sign on here and complain anymore. I had someone that would listen to my concerns and could actually comfort me back. Lauren and I had a good run. We dated from February 2006 to January 2008. Those two years were full of highs and lows, but I grew a lot as a person. I went through my first relationship where I actually cared about the person. Without that relationship I would have never found out what I really wanted in a partner in crime. Lauren and I wen through "Young Love." That is a little inside joke as that was our band, but it was true. We were young and needed to grow. I will always look back fondly on our relationship, but that was a transitional time.

I often came on here and complained about not having a girlfriend. I was desperate. I knew I was a good guy, and not in a cocky way. I was so desperate for a girl to care about me. I just wanted someone I could call or cry to. This week I read far too many entries on here where I begged for a caring, compassionate girl to enter my life. I yearned for a real family. I wanted a house and a fresh start on life. I remember praying every night for that. If you don't believe me just read my entries on here. I pleaded for God, magic, luck or whatever to just make me happy. So many years have gone by where I have no problem admitting that I cried many a night because I was alone, unhappy and not satisfied with life.

I finally got my wish. On March 1, 2008 I went on a date with a girl named Michelle whom I met off of Match.com. That date lead to us getting engaged on October 17, 2009. We were married on October 9, 2010. On October 1, 2013 we had our first child, Fiona Lynn. Oh Live Journal, it finally happened. For the first time on this LJ I can finally stop bitching and say I AM HAPPY!

Since I read my LJ this past week I remember just how miserable I was while I was writing on this thing. I literally hated my life. I hated school, family, friends and almost everything in my life. When I prayed at night I would ask God "why?" Nick and I used to question "why us?" I did not get the answer to those questions until I met my wife. Why did I have to endure such pain in my life? So I would appreciate what I have now.

All of those days being miserable are over. I wanted to be happy so badly back then. That was half the reason I wrote in this thing. It was a place where I could vent and express my anger and heartache. I was so thankful when my life turned around. After reading my LJ from start to finish...I am even more thankful. I know the 19 year old version of me would have been ecstatic if he knew that in 4 years everything would start to turn around. All those sleepless nights were not for naught. I did it. I found a wonderful, caring girl that I can spend the rest of my life with. I have a beautiful daughter that amazes me every day. I even have a little dog named Liam who puts a smile on my face every day. I own a house. I have an awesome job where I am happy and love what I do. I love my friends. I won't pretend that everything is perfect with my family, but it is much better than it was when I started this journal.

The amazing part is that I keep in contact with more than a few people on here still. Obviously I talk to Nick (iamfuriousd1) still, as he has been my best friend for the last 22 years. I still talk to Kyle (richardrahl) even though he moved to Pittsburgh, but we are cousins and I am happy his life has also moved in the right direction. I saw Missy (missyslife) yesterday at Nick's birthday party and she is married and has a kid too! I graduated WCU with Bethany (bethneee) and we repped the English department at the awards ceremony during my senior year in 2007. This year I was a part of Daria's (darylove86) wedding and I couldn't have been happier for her. I still talk to Michelle (da_chiquita) on social media websites as we talked on MySpace and still talk on Facebook today! I must thank Katie (dewdropmiracle) who introduced me to Lauren right here on LJ and since that relationship ultimately lead to me meeting my wife I am truly indebted to her for eternity. My good friend Justin (demonic_j) and I still talk every week and he is still a "legend." I met up with Jen (photofreak551) and Carmen (karmaiskilling) a month or two ago and am happy and thankful I am still friends with both. Unfortunately that means I am still friends with Kristi (tastydoom) who actually tattooed my daughter's name on my chest this year and I actually love Krusto. I think that is everyone I still talk to on a regular basis that I was friends with on here. I am so fortunate to have these people still in my life. They helped me get through those dark times with their unwavering support and witty, sarcastic comments. For that I say thank you for everything.

So what now? I feel like this entry concludes my Live Journal. There is finality now. I thought my little entry in 2007 would be the end of LJ. In that entry I was with Lauren and had not really gone through the rocky part of our relationship yet. At this point there is no hesitation in my message when I say, err' type, that I am truly happy. My LJ had a purpose, but I can officially conclude that purpose has ended. Thank you Live Journal for providing me with an outlet during some of the darkest time in my life! I now have the life I longed for on so many entries here. There is nothing else to say on here.

Well, actually one last thing. On most of my entries I often ended with some kind of hilarious zinger boasting about how great I was. I guess I should apologize. I should have wrote more about how great I was. I am disappointed I sold myself so short. I mean...I was probably the greatest person you guys ever read about on here. I am sure those that still talk to me are thankful they have such a great friend like me. Since I am in such a great mood I decided to cut 10% off of all autographed pictures of me! Buy yours for ONLY $300! NOW NOW NOW!


8/2/07 12:21 am - In the interest of putting a "2007" on my archive list I decided to update

Does anyone actually check this thing? I'm thinking not really. I know I don't much, if at all. But for some reason I got nostalgic and visited the old LJ. I had some good memories and some bad ones. I remember my first LJ was deleted because of all the BS in 2003. This one never had that problem. But O grew apart of it when I started going out with Lauren. A year and a half later we are still together. I love her so much. But anyway the point is that I have someone to talk to instead of writing it down here. It feels weird. For so long I was alone and miserable. Now I am so happy with Lauren and life seems that much better.

I also graduated college. Weird, huh? It doesn't feel right, ya know. One day I graduated St. Joes, then Chi, and now West Chester. Life flies. I have so many regrets in my life. I always wanted my high school and college experience to be like on TV. It didn't work that way. I had some good times I'll always remember, but for the most part I dont want to remember.

and now for the newest chapter of my life. I havent had to go through a change in my life since starting WC. And to be honest I cant wait. I want to work and make money and start my life. All that BS about the real world is finally here. We'll see what happens. All I know is in a few weeks I am gonna miss my baby since she goes back to college. Thats life, but we got through it once, we can do it again!

12/1/06 04:28 pm - Account

I turned off the automatic payment. I will not be paying for LJ again since I almost never use it. What does this mean? It means no extra pics and whatever features I was paying for, extras. Oh well.

8/27/06 09:13 pm - The average temperature this August is 95...and yet I am still cool.

So its the end of August and the last ten days of my life have been some of the most emotional or tiring of my life.

Last weekend we dropped Laur off to WVU. I don't really care what anyone says or thinks here...it was upsetting. Possibly the saddest I have ever been in my life. It sorta felt like when I was 4 and would be in K-Mart with my mom and ask for a toy and she'd say no. That times one million. I love her so much...and my life feels empty. I have enough hope in the tank to get me through this year because I graduate and then I'll be going where ever she is...but still. I miss her. I miss everything about her. It wasn't until I came back that I realize how horrible my life before her really was. I know I complained back then...but now I feel worse. When I had a bad day her smile alone would brighten me up and no one would know I was upset to begin with. I spent so much time with her and I was selfish and I'm not afraid to admit that...but now I can't be with her or escape my house or anything. She's my life.

Tommorow school starts as well. I am not worried...I am just upset. I dont feel like going. I have to get up at 6:30 everyday and well, it just sucks but it'll be worth it when I have that piece of paper.

Not to mention I am also tired. Yesterday we went canoeing and we did it for 12 miles. I am exausted and feel crappy. My body is dead. So emotionally and phyically I am done right now.

I would write more but well I am going to bed. Today is also my Brother's B-Day.

And in conclusion I reign supreme.

7/31/06 12:00 am - Not dead yet

You can save all of your obvious puns and jests about me being dead; I did it for you in the title.

I haven't written in months, but that is not to say that nothing note worthy has happened because it has. I beleive LJ makes its money off all of us two ways:

1. Some of us are just lonely and can't talk to anyone else so we come here.

2. Some of us aren't lonely exactly, but we have a LJ to talk about our friends and such.

I've been both numbers in my life, and now that I confide everything i have to into Lauren I don't need this thing as much. It has its purpose and well once again when she leaves and I'll probably cry into this thing all of the time. Who knows. We'll see.

You are probably wondering why I chose tonight to write into my Livejournal. What event was so big that Joe needed to write in here for? Allow me to explain.

There is less than 24 hours left of July. August has always been the month where I have all these visions and thoughts about my life. Its like clockwork I suppose. There are many reasons this August that my mind has lost control and left my emotions unchecked:

1. The love of my life is leaving for WVU in August
2. August holds many birthdays, both good and bad. Like literally double digit amount of B-Days.
3. Summer ends
4. School starts
5. August has been the month where I have some "me time"
6. Its the only time of the year I can look back on my summer but also think about the beginning of a new school year.
7. I like eggs...etc.

The point is since maybe...I dont know...maybe 1st grade, August has been that one month where everything happens in my mind like if I was on LSD listening to Floyd and drinking a carton of egg nog.

1994 I thought about the upcoming jump from the 1st floor of St. Joes to the second and if my crush on Heather May would ever come true.

1996 I thought about the year when I was perhaps initiated into the outer rim of "the cool kids"

1997 I thought about why my life turned into Dawson's Creek

1998 I thought about what it was like to have backstabbing friends

1999 I thought about perhaps the passing of some of my finest childhood memories and what Chi would be like.

2000 I wanted to kill myself because I knew what CHi was really like.

2003 Entered WW3 with the morons of Chi. Some of you read this journal but I guess me deleting you off my friends list wasn't enough to show you I hate you...yes 3 years later I still hate you. The point is I was involved in a great war of insults and also thought about what college was going to be like.

2004 I had time to think about my car being totalled

2005 I thought about my great trip to Florida

2006 Well this August is so much more complicated.

And let me say that was a VERY broad interpretation of the my history with August. I can't really put into words my relationship with the month.

Its always the same general idea. I start thinking about Summer and if it was rewarding. I then think about the upcoming school year and how that will be. I also think about my past for some reason. For instance ever since I saw Darlene the other night I have been thinking about the simple time of my life entitled "St. Joes." And after I think about that I might even go further back and think about the 13 kids of Hillside. Or maybe I'll think about the nightmare known as Chi. Ill be honest the other day i thought about Chi...it scared me. I realized how much that school really did destroy me.

And then maybe I think about WCU as a whole. Lately I havent thought about my past much until now. I have been so in love I have very little time for anything else. I admit that I have been selfish but I dont regret it. Laur leaves in two and a half weeks and its upsetting. She is my life and I dont want things to go back to the way they were before her. I wish I could fast forward a year. I have at least realized that this year is necessary. I am willing to give up a few months in exchange for enternity. I'll miss her but I then think about how it will be great when its all over and that makes it a little better.

Also something worth mentioning is me and Kyle went to Shea Stadium the other day in New York. I finally saw Greg Maddux pitch and he won! Definetly the best baseball experience of my life. The drive was another thing. I spent about 150 dollars on tolls and gas combined but I saw Maddux and I have since I was about 6. So I felt good about that.

Thats it for now. I cant describe anything else in words really. Night all.

5/8/06 04:19 pm - I like Tricks...like pulling a Rabbit out of my Trix creal

Allow me to give a recap of the last few days.

Friday was Laur's Prom. I never went to my Prom so I admit I didnt know how it would go, so I was a little nervous. When I got to her house she wasn't quite ready, mainly because of how early my family wanted to leave to get to her house. But when I saw her I was floored. She was absolutely gorgeous. I never take for granted how special she is to me, but when I saw her I realized once again just how lucky I really am to have her.

So we got our picture taken about a thousand times. We did finally make it to the Dupont Country Club and it was really a fun time. This was probably one of the best weekends of my life. Food was good, dancing was good, and I spent the night with the love of my life.

Post Prom was really cool too. Me and Laur were tired but still had fun playing games. At one point we layed down in a booth. I slept over her house because we knew we would get back late. And we did. Around 3 we pulled in. Saturday we were both kinda tired. I only had 4 hours of sleep because I'm stupid. But it was still very fun spending the day with her. lol I did manage to go home for six hours that night to sleep.

Sunday we went down the beach to her grandparents and that was pretty awesome too. It was probably the longest we ever spent with one another. I had so much fun. I have never been so happy in my life.

4/17/06 06:50 pm - Meh

Well its no lie. Kyle was 100% right. I primarily use my LJ to express my negative feelings. If you think I am joking I suppose you could just check the last two and a half months and realize I have updated maybe 5 times. There was a time I would update 20-30 times a month. The reason I havent updated much has primarily to do with me being so happy in my life. Lauren is 100% responsible, I don't need to tell you that.

Unfortuantely she is in Britain for the week. It didnt really click until I was driving home from her house and I realized she was gone for 8 days and I wouldnt see her. I have been miserable and sad these past two days. Not quite all of it has to do with her being gone, but mostly. The other portion is I want school over. I'll get to that later.

I haven't gotten much sleep the past two nights either. Last night I had the most bizzarre dreams and I also keep dreaming of Laur. I can't get her out of my mind. I love her so much. I never thought this would ever happen to me. So many years of lonliness and fighting the world...and I am finally so happy. I have faith everything will work out next year when she is in WVU. I am taking 18 credits next semester to get out of WCU on time. I may be very confident in our love, but if I have gotten a little watery because of her being gone for 8 days I cant imagine myself when she goes to college. But it'll work out for the best. I love her so much. I've already forgotten my life before her. This time next year hopefully I'll get to start over.

As for school, well I want it to end so quickly. Projects and tests and such are coming down hard this semester. But I have no choice but to do well. I am so motivated to get out of WCU its not funny.

Thats about it. I just want it to be sunday.

3/20/06 03:08 pm - Lucky Lights Bubble Gum

Well St. Patrick's day weekend is over. Let me start by saying that Friday I was almost killed by a drunk driver so all you kiddies who think you are cool because you get drunk and do stupid shit can kiss my ass, I dont care whos reading this because I know half of you do it. I was driving down Naamans and some drunk fuck U turns into my lane 5 seconds before I am there so I went over the island into on coming traffic so I could avoid it only to swerve onto the middle of the island probably knocking my alignment out. Its cool isnt it? Everyone knows I don't advocate drugs or drinking but I dont put them down either cause I dont tell people what to do, but for once Joe McDonald is saying something because if I didnt swerve and potentiall get killed anyway I wouldnt be here typing this. Think about that next time you get wasted.

Instead of getting killed I made it to Lauren's fake birthday party and gave her the gift. She seemed to like it a lot. I got home made Tiramisu and Lasagna so I was pretty much in my glory.

Sunday of course was her surprise party which was super fun. I have pretty much met her whole family and most of her friends. Hell I even had her meet Dad and Terry finally. lol it took long enough. After that I spent a few more hours with her at her house and just watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

A bunch of my movies came in from Amazon. I ordered like 14. I think 5 came so far. I'm happy about that. Hell, I am just happy in general. Once school is over I will be at my best. Cant wait until its over.

Yeah thought I'd treat the world with an update since its been a long time. So there ya go, enjoy it.

3/7/06 10:37 pm - Wow

I love her...

...and she loves me back.

3/4/06 10:55 am - I forgot to change my calendar, I am doing that...NOW!

You know I realized somethnig today since it is the one month anniversary of me and Laur. I always complained about not being normal and being in a relationship...but now that I am with Lauren, I realize...this isn't something that just anyone goes through...God I like her so much. I can't beleive its been a month!

I have a few tests and quizzesnext week that I really need/want to do good in. The most important is Linguistics which I MUST Get a C or above in. I also have a Speech Test that I would like to do really good on. I did well on the presentation and would like to build on that.

Next week is also my last week before Spring break, which rocks!

Ok thats all I have right now. Catch yas on the flip side!
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